so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
