No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
