turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
