Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
