we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i will never coherently bang her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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