my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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