I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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