There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
