If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
