ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
