Don't you send me to vm
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
