He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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