sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
