last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
