I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
