He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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