What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
