I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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