why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
