I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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