Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you had me at cake vodka
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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