dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
being pregnant is like rehab
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Vodka?
Forever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
