fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will be naked everywhere
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
