Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
