We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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