Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
