Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Michael Bay diarrhea
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
