My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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