started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
