She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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