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and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
