Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
