Plan B is the new Plan A
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
