Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
