It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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