i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me