I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier