after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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