you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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