Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
