Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
