she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
