My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
