I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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