I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
