i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
