I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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