Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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