Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
