What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
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"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize