oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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