its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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