She's JV to your varsity
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
