Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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