I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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