Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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