Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There r osticjed everywhere
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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