Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
