are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
