all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
