I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
