had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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