Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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