Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I could fuck to npr.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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