i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
