Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
