I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
