So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
