so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
