Did you just see the Batmobile???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
