did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
