Yo dont text me then not text me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
