It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
