my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
