you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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