Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
