Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
